woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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