were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
