Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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