Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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