I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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