Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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