Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
