I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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