New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
