Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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