What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
