I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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