oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I puked a lego.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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