Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
