Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
