im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
