the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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