I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
