He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
