Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
