do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
