Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
