My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
