my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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