"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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