just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
