I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
