She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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