my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Drunk is a universal language darling
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
