Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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