Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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