i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
