like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
