While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
