Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
