there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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