just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Mom said you looked used
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
