well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Drunk is a universal language darling
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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