You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
