so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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