Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
