I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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