reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
