Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
