I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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