I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's great music for shaving your balls
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
