is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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