am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
