why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I love having hate sex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
