i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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