god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
