how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
