Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize