and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
