i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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