Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
