Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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