I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
