if i can run in heels then i can drive
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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