Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
