Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
