it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
