Apparently you make a good broom.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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