did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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