Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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